Potentially Divisive Topic: Tipping

by Caitlin

One thing I've learned in over a year of posting weekly here on Food Lush is that posts don't always get the response you might expect. A post I think will generate discussion will get not a peep, while one that I expect to go by largely unnoticed seems to take on a life of its own. I certainly had no idea, for instance, that I was entering into a geocultural warzone with my post about chicken fried steak and my parents' anniversary.

In short, I'm not sure if I'm opening a can of worms with this post or whether everyone will politely skip right over it.

Tipping, man.

It started with a Facebook comment thread, as it always does. The poster was shocked at the notion that when eating out some people 'tip a minimum 15% even when they get crappy service'. And so it began. Comments rolled in (108 at last count: It's a public page) and were all over the place. Some of the responses were outrageous (FYI, Lush readers, It's not ever okay to leave just a penny. If you're going to leave nothing, you're already making your point, thankyouverymuch.), but they were generally about what you'd expect. Some people think 10-15% is normal and perfectly fine, while others were on board with about a standard 20%. Some people understand what goes on behind the scenes and that the server is not responsible for every aspect of your restaurant experience, while some people believe that tipping is a direct, cause-and-effect situation between them and the server.

Babysitting aside, my first job was in a coffee shop. I was 15. I worked there for a few years. Then I worked at the concession stand at the beach for a few years, into college. The summer after my first year of college I waitressed. I was a terrible waitress. But I'm really glad I did it. During these years my Mom kept telling me I should write a book about all the crazy experiences I had dealing with the public and food. I wish I had. I worked other various jobs and interships in college, and for the first five years out of college I worked in customer service roles.

I think the world would be a better, kinder place if everyone were required to work at customer service at some point in their life. Food service, too. It's hard. It's really hard.

The food service industry is its own animal. And here's where I'm going to tell you how I feel about tipping.

Whether you think our system of tipping is good or bad (and frankly I'm not sure how I feel about it), it's what we have. Restaurants don't have to pay servers regular minimum wage; instead they get paid about $2 an hour. Chefs, cooks, managers all make salary or regular hourly wage, but servers don't and they live off tips.

But before they can take home what you leave on your check for them, they have to tip out the bus boys and other staff (bartenders maybe? Any bartenders out there that can chime in?), and later they have to claim it on their taxes as well.

Thus, when you go out to eat in the US at a sit-down restaurant and you're served by Hi My Name Is John And I'll Be Taking Care Of You Tonight, it's not just about you and John. You're both part of a bigger system. The burden is on you to pay John's salary, as well as help pay the people who bus your dishes and who wiped down and set the table before you arrived. The burden will always be on you, by the way, as it is with any other business that you're a patron of: It's just that most times you don't get a say in what an employee's salary is. If restaurants were forced to pay their employees a living wage, their overhead would skyrocket and you'd be paying a lot more for your meal.

I generally tip at least 20%. If it's really terrible service I might dip down to 15%, but that starts to feel uncomfortable to me. And if I'm tipping 15% then service will have been bad enough to talk to the manager. I'm always glad to talk to a manager and let them know how the experience was: A restaurant that I'd want to return to is one that is glad to have a chance to make it right.

The thing is, it's not just about the level of service. To me it's also about recognizing the system. Plus, 20% at the kinds of places I usually eat is not that much money. And the difference of 25-30%, if I feel the service was great, is also not that big a deal. It's usually literally the difference of a few dollars. So from where I'm sitting, why not throw a few more dollars in. Maybe it'll make up for the jerk who thinks leaving two bucks is acceptable.

Food Lush editor/creator Jennie and I were talking about this, and the importance of also making sure that staff know when you've had excellent service. I think this is really important. A kind word of enouragement and thanks can go a long way, especially when someone's been dealing with assholes all day.

Which leads me to the one comment on that Facebook thread that I keep coming back to:

"Being that we own a restaurant, and know what servers get paid hourly, we always tip 20% no matter what. Sometimes, if the server is in a bad mood, we will leave them a GREAT tip (up to 50%) because obviously, that server is having a crappy day. It usually brings an apology or at least a smile back to us before we leave the restaurant. You never know what someone else is dealing with....."

So, tipping. What are your thoughts? Go!

Comments

[stephanie]

I'll be interested to see what people have to say about this topic.

My general rule of thumb is 20%, although for sub-par service it'll be more in the 15-18% range. (I am too chicken to ever talk to a manager, though.) That said, I wonder if it is somewhat regional? Where I grew up, 15% was standard for good service and 10% was what you left for sub-par service. The cost of living where I grew up is also much lower than a city or suburb.

Two things I've always wondered on are (1) what is the proper tipping etiquette at a buffet, where the servers don't do much more than bus tables? (2) what about those coffee shops or sandwich shops where you order and pick up food at the counter, but there is a line to leave a tip on the receipt?

[stephanie]

Oh... and if the service is above standard, I will often go above 20%. If we linger at a table for a long time and the table won't get turned over as often that night, or if I only order a drink or just an appetizer, I'll tip extra to make up for the fact that they aren't getting as much money from that table as they would have if I'd ordered an actual meal.

[Ashley M.]

I used to be a server, and at the restaurant I worked at, we had to split tips with the bussers and the bartenders, and it was usually 5% for bus and 10% for bar, more if you had a night of heavy drinkers. So when you didn't have a good night of tips, you still had to pay out 15% of what you made, and maybe more! I always tip 20%, sometimes more if I know they're slammed or the party I was with was difficult.

[Kate]

I think I've worked every food service job out there save for cook/chef (although my days as dishwasher and bus gal were at a summer camp... I'll save you the suspense: 4th graders are really shitty tippers)(also: I tended bar at a chain restaurant w/ bar tables - we were paid $1.50 more than the servers and they were not required to tip out to us), and my tipping strategy is essentially identical to yours... 20% is standard (etiquette aside, the math is SO EASY, why doesn't eveyone do this???) and will possibly dip to 15% if the service was horrendous, but I'd rather leave a decent tip and talk to the manager instead of just leaving a crappy one. I remember what it was like to pay my rent in $5s and $10s.

[Sarah Lena]

I waitressed in a family-owned restaurant for YEARS as I was growing up. You're totally right in saying that everyone should work in a customer-service environment at least once.

If you feel that the service is bad enough that you are debating how LOW to tip, address the manager. In most cases, they'll comp you SOMETHING on your bill. You should still tip AT LEAST 15%.

If you come in with a coupon/gift card that takes a major chunk out of your bill, you should still tip on the TOTAL (pre-gift-card) amount. That's only fair to the server.

Also, if you're unhappy with the experience, take note of what part you're unhappy with. The server didn't COOK your food. In a lot of instances, they didn't run the food to your table. Most often, they didn't seat you or address you prior to your seating. So before you consider "tipping low" because the FOOD was bad, .. reconsider. Please. PRETTY PLEASE.

(Also? Servers are people too. Do not snap your fingers at them. Do not allow your children to be rude to them. They are not beneath you. THEY ARE BRINGING FOOD. TO YOUR TABLE. If you don't appreciate that? STAY THE EFF HOME.)

[Katie]

Yup, I've done both bartending and serving and servers always had to tip out bartenders. And I wish everyone knew that servers make below minimum wage and the difference is made up in tips. (Although when I waited tables in CA we did make minimum wage, by law, which helped ease the sting when some irate customer tipped a penny. Man, the penny tip is just such a mean-spirited thing.)

[J]

I waited tables too, and I want to add: if you take your kid out with you to eat, and the kid makes a mess, you should tip WAY extra for the hassle your server is going through -- not just to clean your table, but if your kid is yelling and making a mess, it is likely her other tips on tables will suffer, as people will not enjoy the experience as much. Also -- please do not let your kids grow up thinking that if they go out with their friends and only order a soda, and they all sit there with a party of 12 for over an hour, that it is okay to tip a dollar. It shouldn't just be a flat rate like a tax. Take other things into account.

My question is though how much should I be tipping the guy who delivers my food from a restaurant that offers that service, and charges me a delivery fee? I want to be generous/appropriate, but I always feel unsure. Is 20% enough? Does anyone have thoughts/know what a good idea is here?

[Alice]

another i-used-to-waitress here, and hence another i-never-go-under-20%. unless the server is downright rude, virtually NO OTHER ISSUE is their fault. onions on the burger where you aksed for no onions? that's because the line cook didn't read the ticket well enough. your meat is undercooked? i assure you, it was not your waitress physically taking it off the grill too early. took a while to get seated? why on earth would you take that out on the wait staff??

and like you said, it ends up being really petty amounts. if i can bring the % up over 20% by literally adding 1 or 2 dollars... well, i can spare $1-$2.

(....primarily because i am no longer a waitress.)

[HereWeGoAJen]

We are typically 20% people and we leave more at our "regular" restaurants, if we got some kind of special service (want a huge tip? Bring something free out for my kid. A stack of crackers will do it. One Chinese restaurant where I got takeout packed up a huge box of fruit salad for her and earned my everlasting loyalty for about $2 worth if fruit.), or if my daughter makes a particularly huge mess.

Here's my question: tipping when you pick up to go food. I have two restaurants that I regularly pick up from. One is a to go restaurant and one is a regular sit down restaurant. Do you still tip 20% when all they've done is carry my food from the kitchen to the front? It's definitely not the same amount of work than if we order the same food and eat there.

[J]

IMHO-- if you don't have enough money to tip well, then you don't have enough to go out to eat. That's all there is to it. It isn't optional to tip. And I totally agree with you, Caitlin. If everyone had to work food service at least for three months of their life, more people would "get it." I remember the first time I waited tables and told my mom how much I made (half minimum + tips), she was appalled and said she had no idea servers depended so much on their tips. And yes, that is before taxes, which you are supposed to also pay on your tips (but no one accurately reports their tips because then you'd REALLY be making peanuts). It is a really tough job.

[emiliym]

I never worked in the food industry, but I did work in customer service for a major Southern CA theme park as well as a well-known airline. I honestly HONESTLY believe that the way you treat people who serve you is a reflection of your true character. You can be nice and proper and perfect around your equals/those you're trying to impress. But if you're rude to someone trying to **help** you, then that speaks volumes.

That being said, I try to never go below 20% (in extreme circumstances and very bad service, then 15%), and neither does my significant other. But I do have a question - do you tip pre-tax or post tax? I tip 20% on the final bill - post tax. My guy says tip before the tax. I try to lean more towards the "give them more money" route I guess, but the guy has never worked in customer service so he doesn't know hard it is.

A side note - if I have really exceptionally horrible service (I'm looking at you MAJOR COFFEE CHAIN who gave me a sandwich and told me to cook it at home because they already turned off their ovens for the night. THREE HOURS BEFORE CLOSING) I will talk to a manager. I will also talk to a manager if I get over the top exceptional service. Having worked in Customer Service for so many years, more people are quick to complain when things go wrong, but don't want to say anything when things go right. Trust me. Managers (and employees too!) like to hear when they are doing it right.

[J]

Talking to a manager is great -- if you want to really make a BIG thank you, write an email or a letter, especially to corporate hqtrs if they have one. I think one of my favorite tips though was a 50% tip with a note written on a napkin saying thanks for perfect service. I still have that napkin, over a decade later.

[Airlie]

I always tip 20% on the final bill. I worked at a restaurant all through college, and I feel somewhat obligated to tip well. It's hard work, and as others have said it's really only a few dollars difference between 15% and 20%

[Corina]

I tip 20% standard, but if my bill is really cheap, I never leave less than $5 for table service.

I eat out with my grandparents frequently, and they are more of the $2-3 school. It drives me insane and whenever I can I sneak back to the table to add a few dollars.

Just FYI, Oregon is another state where servers make minimum wage. I wish all states required it. I've never waitressed, but my mom did when I was growing up. Food service is HARD y'all and it sucks to have your income largely determined by the whims of fickle customers who base their decision to tip on things that are largely out of your control.

[anna]

I also worked as a waitress for years in college and always tip 20% as a general rule (and I agree with the commenter about the easy math. Much easier to figure out a tip at 20%!). You have explained perfectly why leaving a decent tip should be a required element of eating out. Although, the server minimum wage of $2 is regional. In Washington, where I've waited tables, servers are paid standard minimum wage (something like $9 now and $7 when I waited tables). Either way, the system is set up so that a server's salary is largely paid by the people accessing their services and if you aren't able to tip a standard rate, then you shouldn't eat in a restaurant. Waiting tables is hard work that requires fast thinking and a lot of patience. Earning a decent wage through tips is part of the deal.

[Kate]

Hello, fellow waitresses! Oh, I could not agree more with you all. I get so fired up on this topic; people who are opposed to tipping on principle and then take it out on servers who have no say in the matter just kill me. I waited tables during college and have never worked harder than I did as a waitress - and that includes my time at huge, soul crushing law firms. It's hard physical work, plus it involves a lot of mental juggling while also dealing with the general public (who often can be less than courteous - shocking, I know).

People enjoy dining out, servers are necessary to the process, and the onus is on the diner to pay them fairly for their work. Here are the facts: 1) servers in my restaurant made $2.63/hr. plus tips. 2) we were required to tip out 10% to the bar and 5% to the bus staff after each shift. 3) we recorded our total sales per table during each shift. 4) we paid taxes based upon 15% of our sales. My paychecks were usually zeroed out for tax withholding. Therefore, if a table were to stiff me on the tip, or like Sarah Lena mentioned above re: coupons/gift cards, I would actually LOSE money to wait on them, as I was still taxed on my total sales to them. Awesome, no?

As a result, 20% is my minimum and service has to be pretty egregious for me to drop below. It also has to be a true service issue, like rudeness or obvious lack of concern (e.g. you can see the drinks your server forgot sitting on the bar while she's obliviously chatting to coworkers even though you've asked a couple of times). Servers can't control your table location, the rude table next to you, whether your meal was cooked properly, or sometimes, not even how long it takes for your food to appear. I am also more than happy to go above 20% for great service. For the most part, I find that people quibble over a couple of bucks. Leaving those extra few bucks likely will not have much impact on the customer, but might just make your server's day.

(Sorry for the diatribe!)

[Tessie]

I'm a former server and pathological tipper.

I always tip 20%, and more for awesome service or for our regular haunts. It pays to be known as a good tipper, and servers/bartenders talk, not only amongst themselves in the same establishment, but also among other servers/bartenders in the area.

If someone spit in my food, and then in my eye, and then punched me in the face, I MIGHT leave 15%, but like you I would feel uncomfortable.

I usually consider $5 the minimum tip for a full-service dining experience, even if it's more than 20%.

My minimum BAR tip is $1 per drink. I try to tip a few dollars on to-go orders, since typically the bartender has to assemble those and ring them up. Also, they're usually included in the bartenders total sales, so they have to pay tax on the tips they "should" have received.

Wow. I have Feelings on this.

[Megan @ Mama Bub]

I'm pretty much a 20% tipper across the board. If the service was really awful and I'm not willing to step outside of my comfort zone to say something about it? It's still 20%. If it's bad enough that I AM willing to say something about it? Well then I would hope that they take that chance to do something about it. Even an apology goes a long way.

Most of my friends are NOT 20% tippers, and if we're splitting a bill, and everyone is asking how much to tip then I'm usually the odd man out. I tend to up my tip a bit in these situations, if I can do it on the sly.

[Ally]

I MAY end up being one of the minority here, but here goes! I almost always tip 20% regardless if I am a little disappointed in service / food, etc. But I have no problem going down to 15%, 10$ and on 1-2 occasions, 0% - if the server is rude, if I see them only 2 times per meal (once at ordering and once upon delivery of food), or if they made mistake after mistake after mistake with little regard for correction. I do this for a few reason, the main one that I also worked at a popular chain restaurant (and had a SO at 3 different big chains over a career) and know that it's hard work. I also know the secrets of these types of places (and from what I hear it's the same all the way up to high end places). This includes the 3-cigarette an hour breaks that takes away from the server being available at my table, the servers having sex in the back during their shift, and if they don't like your attitude, if you G_FORBID complain or send your food back (OMG NEVER SEND IT BACK!), they will spit in your food, masturbate into your food, put various bodily hair in your food, ETC). This includes cooks and servers. So while a server isn't at fault for bringing out an overcooked piece, the wrong thing etc, I am too scared to send it back, and I consider THAT the fault of the kitchen/server staff for being so disgusting. I would much rather eat the wrong thing and leave 15% then get my "right" order and leave 20%.

[A'Dell]

I'm curious about how people tip on ALCOHOL. I read several years ago in Food and Wine that is not expected and not necessary to tip 15%-20% on booze.

And, this makes sense to me. If I buy a $200 bottle of wine it feels mighty excessive to leave $40. Similarly, if I buy a margarita at the bar I'll leave a dollar or two, but table service seems to dictate 15-20% would be necessary, which is ALSO kind of odd to me. I'm still not quite sure what's expected in this category and I often wing it.

Any thoughts, former servers/bartenders?

[Rebecca]

I waitressed for 13 years through high school, college and law school. It has without a doubt made me a better person and MUCH better attorney. I can keep a deceptively calm appearance while panicking inwardly.

My standard tip is 20-25%. I always tip very generously at the places I frequent. Trust me, the waitstaff remember the good and bad tippers and I would rather be the table that the good servers fight over rather than the table the good severs dump onto the unsuspecting new guy (it happens). It always shocked me that somebody could come in several times a week or a month and tip poorly every time.

My husband teases me about "really sticking it to them" when the service is bad and I still tip a standard 15%. I guess I am sticking it to them in my mind. Also bad service is classified to me as something within the servers control. Things like openly chatting with co-workers while neglecting my table, or watching my food sit in the window while the server walks past it several times. If the bad service if out of the servers control, I will often tip better knowing that other people will likely be tipping poorly.

My last issue is with my friends and work associates who fill up on happy hour cocktails and food and tip on the total bill rather than what the bill would have been before the happy hour discounts. In the end I always lose out on the benefit of happy hour because I am stuck overcompensating for the bad tippers.

[Jesabes]

This isn't really the point (it's probably another post entirely), but are delivery people (pizza, Chinese) paid minimum wage? Also, what about delivery fees? I've always assumed the restaurant kept the delivery fee for gas/car depreciation. My husband insists it's a built-in tip and counts it toward the 20%. (Also, are you supposed to give delivery people 20%? I do, just because I think their job pay very little and also they're probably putting as much time into "serving" me as a waitress would, if you include drive time.)

So, if there's a delivery fee, my husband stiffs the driver and I usually give a couple bucks OVER 20% to make up for people like my husband.

[Sarah Anne @fear-no-food.net]

I've never been a server, but I am HUGE HUGE on customer service. I ran a busy health clinic for half a decade, and even when I had a crappy day, I still answered the phone smiling (even when I wanted to smash the phone into someone else's skull), so I appreciate when others can do the same. Dealing with the public sucks in general.

I will more often than not, recognize great service with a great tip, rather than bad service with a bad tip. Does that even make sense? I will more than often, tip normally (15% probably in a bad situation) and then try the place again, and see if a different server makes a difference. However if it's great service? I'll rave and rave about it, will tip very well, and will mention it to the server, or fill out a comment card, with the server's name noted and my phone if someone wants to follow up.

I think serving the public is often a thankless job, and in general, it's better to note great service to the employee, and like you said, note lackluckster service to a manager. I usually try to think of it as if I were the owner, wouldn't I want to know?

In other news, my Husband and I noticed that my Mother-In-Law was a HORRIBLE tipper. Like, couldn't figure out a tip to save her life. We would take her to our favourite places, (Places we would like to return to), and she'd tip 10% automatically, or worse. It wasn't malicious or intentional, just...completely unintentional. We would often sneak back and leave more on the table to compliment what she left. Finally - she just started giving my husband her card and letting him figure it out. :P I was mortified and thought that we could never return to some of our favourite places without a complete walk of shame!

[Caitlin]

Oh YOU GUYS. I am loving these comments. You've touched on so many things that I agree with that I couldn't fit into this post. I think this deserves a follow up, in fact.

ALLY: I certainly can't disagree with your experience, and to an extent I can understand where you're coming from, but I can tell you that this is absolutely NOT the case in every restaurant, and I STRONGLY disagree with the idea that every chef and server from chains to high-end places are apathetic jerks who don't care and will spit in your food (or worse).

I generally don't like chain restaurants and don't eat at them often, but what you described sounds like the movie Waiting (Nothing sets off the flavor of a steak like some ketchup!) - as well as people's worst fears, basically. I know SOME of that is true to life. HOWEVER. Having worked in the food biz and having a lot of exposure to it currently (I'm married to a chef who's worked in all manner of places, we have friends and family that work for and/or run chains & high end places) I can tell you that a good restaurant is run by people who actually care about what they do and the product they put out.

You'll get jerks everywhere, but the bottom line is that if I were eating at a place where the food was cooked wrong, I was afraid to send it back, the service was terrible, and I got them impression that no one cared, then I wouldn't spend my money there again.

Also, I think that, generally, if you treat people with respect you'll get it back.

[auntie]

My boyfriend and I eat out at least four nights a week, usually more (because we're both lazy & don't want to cook, obvs!) so we've talked A LOT about service and tipping. There are probably 8-10 restaurants we go to frequently and the only time we drop below a 20% tip is when a server doesn't write down the order & then something is wrong when the food comes out, which happens probably 90% of the time. Although I know the server doesn't prepare the food, I'm inclined to believe that the correlation between the error and the not-writing-it-down means it's probably the server's fault at some level. (Let me know if I'm way off on that!)

Having said that, the vast majority of our dining experiences (I make it sound so fancy...we're usually at Cracker Barrel) are great from a service perspective. And like someone mentioned above, I believe the way you treat food servers and other customer service type folks is a very good indicator of your character. I try to do a few things to be a better customer:

Smile and make eye contact with the server. Respond to them when they ask how you're doing & ask how their day has been in return. Say thank you when they bring you something you asked for, refill your drink/bread/chips, or clear away plates, etc. So basically, treat them like people :)

Pretty simple stuff but I'm hoping it might make up for some of those people that are asshats.