Last week was mid-terms in the FNS family, and Chris AND Penny went home. Jeff interviews that now the drama is gone and there's only pretenders left. Not so fast, as we see Jyll sobbing over some shoes in the FNS mansion. Somebody's getting a loser edit this week, y'all. (Foreshadowing!)
The kids are packing up for the rest of the competition in NYC. This has nothing to do with anything, but AGAIN, I am in love with Whitney's hair.
Vic says "Momma, your boy is home!" and asserts that he's super comfy in New York. The finalists head to the Food Network headquarters, which are layer after layer of the most gleamingly beautiful kitchens ever. I'm suddenly very aware that my counters could use a scrubbing.
The finalists are introduced to the BAREFOOT CONTESSA. Whitney bursts into tears and says "She taught me how to cook!" All the girls look shocked and awed. The boys appear to have no idea who Ina Garten is. What? I'm totally not crying over my favorite chef ever meeting people I've never met. That would be emotionally unstable. I just... uh... excuse me while I blow my nose.
Bobby Flay calls cupcakes "the latest food craze" which is very 2008 of him. Everybody has to make a cupcake that not only impresses the Barefoot Freaking Contessa but also embodies their POV. I'm tired just thinking about it.
(Also, I wonder if they got basic cupcake recipes? I have a hard time believing that Vic or Jeff have ever made cupcakes.)
Vic is making a Tartufo cupcake, which sounds a little funky, especially since he's adding basil and pancetta. He's making it "hard on the outside and soft on the inside, like me." Heh.
Susie does a corn cake with Duck confit on top. It actually looks fabulous.
Jeff has FIVE meats in a cupcake and asks us what could possibly be better than that. Um, how about something that actually goes in a cupcake? Susie asks him about his recipe and after he tells her about his cantaloupe frosting and eleventy-billion proteins, she nervously replies, "ooooh, you're so crazy!" He of course doesn't realize that she's not saying that in a "go get 'em, Tiger" way, but in more like a "you're legitimately crazy, someone get a straightjacket" way. Ah, inflections. So tricksy.
Whitney is making Ina Garten's coconut almond cupcake. She seems like she's forgotten about the weird attempts to loosen up and is just comfortable as herself: sort of a high-maintenence but very intelligent cook and great communicator. (Side note, have I mentioned her hair yet? Because I WANTS it.)
Mary Beth is making a roasted strawberry cupcake with strawberry balsamic red wine frosting, which sounds like the best idea ever.
Jyll is making a chocolate orange cupcake. Again, with the loser edit, she appears either stretched very thin or almost in tears most of the time.
Whitney hollers out, "One minute!" and Bobby says, "that's my line". Heh.
Ok, they're in front of the camera, Bobby, Ina and Bob.
Everyone is great except for Jeff, because he tried to put an entire deli counter in his cupcake.
MaryBeth wins! I love my homegirl writer friend.
Next up, the finalists are cooking on the Rachael Ray show. They each get an American classic and they have to spice it up and show everybody how to cook it in three minutes. If that sounds ridiculous, it is.
A lot of people love to hate Rachael Ray, but she is kindof amazing. I mean, really. Girlfriend can do anything.
Whitney is wearing a super cute dress and I LOVE her hair, STILL. She's making white chicken chili and it looks "gour-mazing" to steal her phrase.
MaryBeth says "wear your heart on your plate" and I love her even more. Oh, food writers! We are such a kitschy bunch, aren't we? Then she seems like kinda gets lost and I get so nervous for her.
Vic is all "HEY PEEPS I LOVE YOU I LOVE NEW YORK I LOVE MY MOM I LOVE MY TATTOOS... also, I'm about to fry lasagna and you are about to lose all respect for me."
Susie makes Mexican chicken stir-fry. It looks meh. She seems out-of-sorts and overwhelmed and nervous. I feel bad for her....
...but NOT AS BAD AS I FEEL FOR JYLL, because she is about to LOSE it. I'm not sure if it's just the Loser Edit or if she really is a basket case, but she is making me feel all nervous. Despite the Jyllicious Bites concept, she tells the audience that she's "comfort food with a California twist" which she has never mentioned before. Aw, Jyll! She's obviously a straight-A student people-pleaser and she seems to unravel as soon as she sees that everybody doesn't think she's fabulous 100% of the time.
Jeff, by contrast, seems to have no gauge for how people react to him, which sometimes causes bombs of epic proportions. Today, however, he's funny, he seems to bounce off of Rachael Ray's energy and his sandwich schtick actually works. Whaddaya know.
Jyll's in tears, again. Whitney has great hair. I love cheese and MaryBeth. (Just stating the obvious here.)
Elimination! Jeff and Whitney are the top two and are safe.
The judges ask Jyll why they should choose her, and she replies, "I can't... I don't... I'm the girl... sense of humor, fun, relatable, entertaining girl. But maybe that's confusing. I dunno." I LITERALLY AM QUOTING HERE, PEOPLE.
And..... the Loser Edit comes to fruition. Wisconsin girl is going home. Poor Jyll. Luckily she doesn't say "You haven't seen the last of me!" like everyone always does. Thank you for being original, Jyll.
Next week, the finalists get roasted by comedians. If it's anything like the Bachelorette roast, it's likely to be freaking awesome. See ya next week!