by Erik
Well reader(s), this is the last post until after the new year, and so I want to leave you with visions of... candy canes. Yeah, that's right. Those pepperminty sugar sticks that we all know and love.
I think candy canes get the shaft during Christmas time. During the holidays we're often told that simple candies aren't as good -- or, more accurately, we're led to believe that the holidays are a time to 'celebrate' and 'indulge' by gorging ourselves on elaborate and over-priced chocolates (ahem... Williams Sonoma peppermint bark...). Candy canes are kind of like the neglected family pet of Christmas candies, and yet there's so many reasons to love them. They come in a lot of different sizes and shapes, they look cool, and they taste great.
So, let's reconsider the merits of the candy cane:
1. They're cheap. Like, a dollar for 12. They're even more cheap if you hit up the remainder sales at Target the week after New Years (a strategy I highly recommend), when you can sometimes get 48 candy canes for a dollar. I'm not talking the puny 'mini-canes' -- I mean the real deal, full sizers. 48 canes will get you all the way to St. Patrick's Day if you space 'em out right.
2. Everyone likes a candy cane.
3. You can crush them up and put them in things, and the things you put them in end up tasting even better. I like to put them in vodka. On a day when your four year old wakes you up at 4:45 am by yelling in a jaunty voice "Oh Daaaad... Daaaadddy, I have to pooooop..." followed by a bus ride home after work that runs through the 'less nice' part of town during which you share a seat with a gentleman who is carrying two full-sized car tires and asks you to make room for one of them... well, you practically want to inject your vodka/candy cane mixture directly into your veins.
4. You can get really big ones, and if you eat them slowly you can sharpen the tip into a razor sharp spear that you can carry around the house for the rest of the day while terrorizing your younger siblings by chopping the spear/cane at them as you make the Jason Voorhes noise from Friday the 13th. Later, you will trip and accidentally stab yourself in the arm with your cane/spear, and be too embarassed to tell anyone how you got the giant scrape on your arm and will make up some lie about how it happened while you were stoking the wood furnace that your family used as its sole source of heat for the house during the 6-month long winters of the upper Midwest.
The above example is 12 inches long, and is called Bob's "Big Jim" Peppermint Stick (available for 1.79 on Amazon.com).

This giant peppermint stick weighs three pounds and is available for 9.79 at greatbigstuff.com, or, more than likely, at your local adult-themed superstore.
As you can see, there are a lot of great reasons to love candy canes. As a final note, however, I want to warn you against the evils of 'fruit flavored' candy canes. And cinnamon candy canes. Nothing is worse than biting into a cane and realizing that it's some weird off-brand flavor like fruit-fetti. Luckily these off-brands are easily avoided, especially the fruit flavored ones, as they tend to be rainbow colored.
In any case, happy holidays, and a jolly new year to everyone! And make sure you enjoy some sweet, sweet candy this holiday season!
{Photo credits: amazon.com and candyyumyum.blogspot.com}